This morning while I was writing in my journal, I felt a tug at my heart saying “this is going to be published on your blog, tonight.” And as Jesus calls it, so it will be. My inspiriation for this post comes from Grace Valentine’s “Enough” movement, hence the title. If you haven’t read about the “Enough” movement or if you haven’t even heard about it, you can read what it’s all about here.
When I was in the eighth grade was when I truly began to struggle with my self worth. That year I experienced my first bout of bullying. I spent so many nights laying awake, wondering why I wasn’t enough. Why wasn’t I a decent enough person for this girl to leave me alone? After that year, I struggled physically and emotionally with just being enough. And here’s a little secret, I’ve continued to struggle with it.
When I was in high school, I worried that I wasn’t pretty enough. I spent those four years never leaving the house unless my makeup was intact and my hair was perfect.
When I began playing tennis, I worried that I wasn’t athletic enough. Those years of being on the team, I worked myself to death, ultimately messing up my knee in the process.
When I started going to a new church, I worried that I wasn’t religious enough. That first year of being a new member, I conformed my worship and my relationship with Christ to look like everybody else’s.
When I started my orginal blog, I worried that my writing didn’t impact enough people. I would overthink and remove the blog if it didn’t get enough feedback.
When I declared my major, I worried that I wasn’t smart enough. I spent the next few months questioning myself and God’s plan for my life.
When I went through sorority recruitment, I worried that I wasn’t skinny enough. That summer, I worked my body to it’s limits and still wasn’t satisfied.
When I began college, I worried that people didn’t like me enough. Those first few months of my freshman year were spent in a very lonely dorm room because I was afraid to go out and make connections with others.
Overall, I worried that I wasn’t good enough.
But that couldn’t be further from the truth. I am good enough. I am smart enough. I am liked enough. I am, in fact, all the things with I thought I wasn’t. Anything that tells me different is just the enemy trying to have a hold over my life.
This isn’t some blog post to tell you all about how I’ve never struggled again with feeling like I’m enough. The feelings of self doubt and low self worth are still there. I still struggle with it everyday. But instead of letting the enemy dictate my life, I have chosen to listen to God’s will and God’s calling over my life. 1 Peter 2:9 says that “For you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession.”
How comforting to know that even on the days that you may not feel like enough, you are God’s very own possession. You are his chosen person. And while you may not feel like enough for this world, you are enough for the One who created the oceans and the mountains and flowers and puppies and cheese dip.
On the days that you doubt yourself, on the days that you feel worthless, on the days that you don’t feel good enough, never forget that He created you for a purpose.
Thank you Grace Valentine for starting such a beautiful movement, a movement that gave me the courage to write about such personal struggles. And thank you to the Man Upstairs that loves me even when I am not enough.